Finding Inspiration

Let me tell you a secret....I am the type of a person who is not easily motivated. Most people see me as a free spirited woman who will do things what she wants and when she wants it. Even my boss positively pointed this out on me. I guess most people think that way too when  they see and come to know me. Well, that is not hard to believe. I like fun stuff. I love lively music. I love to go out (when I have the monetary resources). I want to be surrounded with optimistic happy people. I tried my hardest not to dwell with other people sob stories, unless they are my closest friends and they voluntarily told me their issues and I know for a fact that they needed a friend, or even a listening ear on that precise moment. Cause I want other people to be like that to me too. I don't want to trouble myself with depressing issues that I can't do anything about. I can have all that with all the teleseryes I've been watching. All I'm saying is that I want to be happy. And I am happy. I want people around me to be happy too. That is why I am doing my best to at least be an inspiration to them. The problem is, lately I am finding it hard to look for an inspiration for myself. Unless I am traveling or climbing a mountain I find my days to be boring to death. I tried to be busy, with my office works and household chores. I even went back to running and dancing at the gym. But to no avail. For me everything is a routine. Don't get me wrong I love my life. I love my husband. I am very fond of my daughter. I love the company of my friends. My job is okay. And I got a healthy body that is why I can do what I want. But sometimes I can't help but feel that there is something missing. Maybe because there are things I want to be that I may never achieve. Opportunities missed forever. That feeling of time running out. Oh how I hate it. It makes me feel so old. So depressing. I feel so low that even getting up and moving about is so hard and strange. I don't know what to do. How to keep myself moving without depressing people around me. I feel so helpless. Times like these brought some tears. And I hate myself when I cry. Sigh....I sound like a crazy person. This is enough I guess. Maybe it’s just that time of the month. My hormones are going wild. Maybe tomorrow I'll get better. Things will get better. They always get better. Maybe tomorrow I will find my inspiration. Maybe.