love yourself

love yourself....

this is a lesson i have to teach myself over and over again. i am not a total selfless-love-your-neighbor devotee. i just tend to bend all my (buwis buhay, labas atay) emotions and efforts towards the wrong direction. in the end, i became more miserable and hurt than i was before.

i am not madamot by nature. i'm your average generous friend, daughter, sister, colleague, employee, neighbor and lover. a person that would give anything for anybody as long as carry ng powers ko. without questions asked. and without expecting anything in return. but most of the time i tend to overdo things. akala ko kulang pa, ayun pala hindi lang sapat, sobra na! some people took advantage of me without my slightest idea. that is how naive i am. and the worst part is after i found out about it i don't get angry and just let everything pass. after a while, i will hate myself for letting people do those things to me. sometimes i even make a scenario on my mind that the next time that person came up to me i will give him/her a smart retort that will make him/her feel sorry for himself/herself. but when that opportunity arises i am tongue tied. and the smartest thing i can do is just smile stupidly. i end up cursing myself after. and hating myself more.

i want to learn to love myself. not as a selfish bitch that will turn down everyone and take advantage of every person around me for my own good. i am nice, but i don't wanna be too nice. i am a giver but not to the extent that there's no more left for me. i tend to do that oftentimes.

in time i know i will find the courage to say "no" and think about  what's good for me. so i can regain my self respect. it's not being selfish, it's being self loving...